Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
love makes seman taste better
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It's blow job season.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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