Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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