My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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