I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
