My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
