I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
