using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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