Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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