There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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