Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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