My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
