I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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