you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
