My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize