I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
