There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
