I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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