Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
