I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
