so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
