It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
