Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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