I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize