I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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