I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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