I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Are we still banned from the library?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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