I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
