I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
