my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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