At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
