My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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