either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
