Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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