If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
