And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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