the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
