i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize