there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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