Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
