He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
