You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Randomize
