Pants 0. Shit 1.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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