I can feel you judging me through the phone.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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