there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
