She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
