I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
