dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
