if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Randomize
