I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
