I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I could make wine with my vomit
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
