At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
