Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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