I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
