My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
