the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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