He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
