Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
