Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize