That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
