just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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