We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
