Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
