we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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