Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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