Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm always down for nudity.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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