Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
