Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
